Did I trigger YOU?

Well, in case you didn’t know, I can feel it too.

Your trigger, in fact, triggered me too!

Our Karmic bond.

Let’s embrace it, explore it in the depths of our own personal healing work.

As we awaken, we can move on.

Over the past few years, the notion of ’triggering’ the trauma wounds of others and being triggered is the common narrative being explored by both Eastern and Western philosophies. In simple terms, what is meant by the word ’triggered’ is the nervous system becoming activated to a heightened state of stress/anxiety from a situation that may not normally equate to that level of physical and emotional response. The body’s responses are demonstrating the type of reaction that comes from a more compounded effect of deeply held trauma that has not been fully processed at the time of being triggered.

From the Western perspective, trauma processing work is an area that has gained greater attention, primarily through he work of Gabor Mate. Because much of what we see in the manifest world (greed, corruption, and sheer inhumanity) is seen as a result of trauma responses by the people in power, as well as countless others no matter where they may be situated on the 'pecking order,' it has become clear that until we can take individual responsibility for our own reactions, many of the same harmful patterns will continue to play out in our human experience on this earth.

Interpersonal relationships have always been challenging. Navigating awareness of one’s trauma responses does not always negate the effects and can still create situations that are difficult to manage within relationships, but as self-realisation writings can attest, each time we are faced with a reflection of ourselves from the outside, we learn.

From the Eastern perspective, the notion of Parabdha Karma, the conditions we are given at (or even before) the start of life, those we personally did not have any influence over, such as the time, place, parentage of our birth, and our early upbringing, prescribe a foundation for the type of experiences we may face. Karma, the conditions of cause and effect as we move through this life, is constantly at play. From this arena, it is quite acceptable that each individual will experience trauma, without any label of being deserved or not.

For example, someone can be born into a wealthy family, and be devoid of loving interactions with parental figures. Neglect trauma, or the pain of emotional abandonment is one that will follow them through their life until it is recognised and healed through conscious practice, where the needs of the individual can be met in healthy ways.

In a like manner, a child born to working-class parents in an urban setting may have similarly absent parents, and the skills needed to survive in their surroundings mean that they are required to form relationships to many people, finding love and care taking in close proximity, perhaps giving them an overall sense of safety in the world, despite the need to hustle to earn a living or parents who were absent.

In both cases, traumatic events - times where an individual is unable to cope with a distressing emotional situation, and therefore finds their own ways of self soothing, or bypassing the experience of pain through repeated behaviours - have been part of life’s foundations. No human is except from this likelihood. However, the language to address the type of damaging, unhelpful, or self-harming behaviours has now become part of our current mainstream psycho-spiritual dialogue. 

One term that resonates on both sides of the fence in both Eastern and Western spiritual and healing pathways is compassion. The ability to understand that each individual has their own perspective of the world, and responds to their own experiences. When we practice compassion, we pause before casting judgment. We place ourselves in someone else’s shoes and seek to understand why they are the way they are, and perhaps create the environment of space and acceptance they need to feel safe and to heal.

Compassion is a state of presence. To hold space without judgment, and establish dispassion so as to not take the emotions of others personally.  As space holders may know, through yoga, and spirituality, we are not trying to fix another, not trying to change the world. We are creating safe contexts where our experience can be seen from a more objective perspective. Where the return to wholeness can come when we have regulated the system, and can talk or express openly about the personal journey a given experience brought upon us.

Placing yourself in the narrative of someone else’s story can help explain why things are the way they are.  Not justifying, excusing or condoning behaviour, just learning to understand it.

Over the years, it has been more common for people to part ways and never speak again. What I have found in my own life is that many of my breakups, the partings of friends, or the dissolution of social groups has always been  necessary for new growth on both or all sides.

Recognising this truth helps the story we tell become more empowering as we claim our own agency in those times. For me, it can be years later that the spiritual processing conversation occurs, where gratitude and forgiveness for the experience shared is all that needs to be expressed. It’s in those times that the waves of emotion, and the attachment to the trauma narrative can be seen in a different light, with hopes that the life lesson learned becomes a pearl of wisdom.

(Note: examples of trauma can be greatly different from one person to the next. If you have experienced a traumatic event, and do not feel that the process has, or will be complete for you at this time, some of the generalisations of this post may not resonate with your experience. For the purposes of learning, you can insert a challenging life experience that you have overcome to understand the broader context of this blog.)